Illustration Friday: Under The Sea

NO I haven't abandoned IF. Or blogging. Or friends, family or life itself. I have been - for the last couple months - buried under a sea of work! I'm drowning with no one out there to throw in the lifesaver. Being the single parent now I feel as if I have to take all the extra work that comes my way. NO saying NO!! So between my day job, freelancing graphics and catering jobs, I've been thinking about visiting the nearest cloning station to pick up an extra pair of hands. But then I remember that it won't stay this busy forever and I'm really lucky to have the extra cash flow and the kids help me out where I can use them. So maybe I just need to swim towards the top of the pile in hopes of taking a break on the sunshine filled beach next to to sea instead of under it.

Illustration Friday: Feet

Feet are a necessary part of everyday life. Well maybe not necessary but they sure make buying off the rack a lot easier. Feet take you where you need to go. They seemed to be eager to get up in the morning, always being the first out of bed. They'll tell you when you're tired after a long afternoon of shopping. They'll warn all around you when you're angry just by changing the way they sound. They are great for romantic walks on the beach feeling the cool night sand between the toes and knowing when to slow down just enough for your lips to get a little action too. And when you really don't feel like laughing, they can get you rolling on the floor (with a little help from the evil hands of a friend or family member). And after a long, hard day and a warm bath your feet are the last to climb into bed willing to warm up the sheets for you. The one thing about feet that to me, still remains a problem is... it's hard for them to break old habits. The habit I'm referring to is: as I'm drifting off, about to fall into dreamland, my feet slowly slide to the other side of the bed. Searching for the warmth of the past, longing to wrap around what had been there every night for 23 years only to find a cold empty spot. It was always a way for my feet to communicate love, longing and desire without words. Now they've found a way to communicate loneliness.

Illustration Friday: Simple

Valentine's Day at work for a recent divorcée SUCKS!! Not that the ex ever really did anything, it's just the alone status pinned across my chest that got to me. By the time I got home I was feeling really crappy. Near tears and not wanting to do much. Oh and to top the day off I had my tax meeting, ALONE, but that's a whole other Oprah for another time!
I didn't feel much like making dinner for Em and I so we just snacked on bread and cheese and sat watching bad TV and sharing a heating pad. Until 9pm rolled around and we realized we were both a little hungry. Not wanting to go get something or spending too much time cooking we settled on "runny eggs" and toast.
It was fabulously simple. The eggs were perfect, the bread- toasted butter side down on the pan- soaked up the yolk like a sponge. The fresh sliced tomatoes with just a sprinkle of sea salt could not have topped the meal off better!! We sat side by side on the couch quietly eating our Valentine's Day meal when Em turn and softly kissed my cheek, turn back without saying a word and continued eating. No words were needed, with that simple gesture, I knew she was the only Valentine for me. Turns out it was one of the best Valentine's days ever.

Illustration Friday: Chair

Ok, here's the truth. I have become obsessed with the way my ex is running (or ruining) his life. I think about what it is he's doing or who he's doing at least once every hour of every day of every month... you get my drift. My stomach is in a constant state of turmoil. My heart in a permeant state of pain and my mind... well let me put it this way, I'd have to back up for days to reach the state of CRAZY!!! I have been plotting my next move, my next "catch you", my next "here's what I'm going to do to teach you a lesson." All this, by the way takes so much time, so much effort that I don't have time or effort left for what's really important in my life. My family and friends. My home, job, and for God's sakes, my own well being. So to solve this dilemma and to be able to move on with the quality things I am so fortunate to have in my life, I am putting my angry, sad, vengeful self into a comfortable chair in the timeout corner. And hopefully she stays there for a while so I can get back to enjoying what's important, life.

Illustration Friday: Glamour

I'm not very good at being glamorous. I own about 50 pair of jeans (really, no exaggeration) and that's pretty much all I wear. To the movies, to dinner, basically to life. I hate my legs!! To wear a dress is so uncomfortable for me, I think I own only one and that one I wear with knee high boots. I would love to slip into a slinky, sexy dress and prance around with my legs stretched out and my feet slid into a diggty pair of sling-backs. I look longly at the cutest, sweetest, sexiest dresses at the little boutiques I visit, but always come home with a new pair of jeans, but "hey" I do have about every shade of denim there is!! I think that's why I love to paint women. I paint them with lots of curves and clingy, sexy dresses (never in jeans!) One thing though, in the 23 years of marriage I never received a special gift tucked inside that familiar "Blue Box". You think the reason was the jeans??

The illustration this week is one of my print illustrations. I usually try to create a new illustration for "IF" but felt this one fit what I was trying to say.

Illustration Friday: Cat

When I was 6 I entered a contest to win a bright orange kitten from the local pound. I wrote that I had 5 people in my family and that would be five time the love the kitten would get. Well I had the "cat in the bag" and got to take kitty home within just days.

Just a year later my alcoholic dad ran away leaving my family with nothing but each other, one dog and one crazy cat we called Tuffy. A year after that dad was back home after falling drunk from a construction site 40' high onto his head and becoming permanently, 100% mentally disabled.

That poor cat was my pillow when I cried, my sounding block when I yelled and my friend when I need a hug. It was a big fat tabby cat with a heart bigger than a lot of people I know. He even drove cross country when we had to move to the west coast for my dad's rehabilitation.

His only flaw...birds. He LOVED!! birds and often brought me birds as gifts. Poor little broken gifts. A bell on his collar helped but he still tried to get those creatures stalking them through the grass or just watching them from under the trees.

Tuffy hung around for 18 years and then one day he was just gone. I loved that tabby so much and have never been able to get another cat. None can ever compare to the friend who grew up beside me.

Looking back now though, I have had better luck with cats than I have with men so maybe it is time for a new friend.

Married Women & Twenty Year Olds

A few thoughts to my ex regarding his dating habits...

Why is it that you feel you have the right to behave the way you have been since leaving.
Is it that you feel that you're the guy in the car that picks his nose and feels nobody can see him because he is "inside" his car.

Everyone can see you. Your not invisible just because you don't come home to your family.
Your actions and choices need to start reflecting the respect your family deserves.
You act as if you have NO responsibility to your kids. Their feeling, their actions or their future.

You also might start thinking of the families of the people you involve yourself with. The Mother and Father of the daughters. The Husband and Children of the wives.
Maybe you can start thinking of the years we have be dealing with "S's" (that's your middle kid in case you have forgotten, they feel as if you have) relationship with "A", a man a whopping 10 years older. Maybe you should start asking "J" your 22 year old son to give you some advice on what girls in their 20's like, he might be able to set you up, you know, double-date. Maybe you can talk to "the Affairs" kids and ask them how if felt to lose respect for a parent because you don't seem to care what your kids think.

These suggestions, I know, sound insane. That's because your actions are such.

Maybe you can take an afternoon with your girls, have a talk with them, let them know that just because you have disrespected & hurt not only them, but their Mom and every other family (yea, everybody has families) you have or intend to in the future hurt and destroy, that they deserve respect, love and true commitment and to never accept less. While your at it you can chat with your son. Let him know that just because he'll see guys around him disrespecting woman and families that there is NEVER a reason that makes that behavior acceptable. I've tried to tell them, but who am I to talk. My track record from childhood on has been less than stellar.

I'm really tired. I can't continue to be the ONLY responsible parent here. You chose to be a parent. You chose that responsibility. Parenthood is something you can't divorce. It's not something given up because your kids are between the ages of 14-22. There's not an age limit with parenthood and the responsibility of setting good examples.

The best example you can show your family now is how even when bad choices have been made in the past it doesn't give you the right to continue. So you stop what your doing and start playing life by the rules because if you don't eventually life will take you out of the game.

Illustration Friday: Sea

I have been floating around the same little pond for quite some time now. It's been a safe and secure place where the waters stay pretty calm. Having had our share of rough tides I always knew that one of us would always be there to toss out a line and reel the other in if we ever felt we were sinking. We always loved exploring the bigger seas but coming home was one of the best parts of the adventures shared.

Until the waters became contaminated with cheating. No more calm days kicking back relaxing on the pond. No more knowing that someone will always be there to toss out that line during times of struggle...

I've spent a lot of time lately thinking if this is where I want to stay? Can the kids and I really regain the happy times that we had before. Maybe we just need to move on and out of our little pond, our comfortable home we've lived in for over 15 years, to a bigger part of the sea.

But I've decided instead of moving away, that it's time for me to start discovering new and different types of fish. Honest, fun-loving, intelligent ones. I hear all the time that they're out there. Everyone keeps telling me to stop worrying about being alone. That "there are bigger fish in the sea" and all I need to do is start keeping my eyes open. Toss out a line once in a while and see who pops their head up.

Well, watch out boys, this chicks a going fish–in!

Illustration Friday: Flavor

Through the last few months I've tried to stifle life's flavor, pretending I didn't need it anymore. I didn't want to take the chance of finding so much bitter again on my plate. Then suddenly I looked down at my plate to find it empty. So many people in my life add so much flavor. My kids add the sweet to pull me through the bitter times we've had. My friends have added the spice, providing new ways to explore flavors never before on my plate. My family who provided the flavors of comfort, kindness are salt in my life, for if it wasn't for them the flavor of everything else just wouldn't taste as good. I've learned that flavor has been a way of self motivating me to create what I want out of life. Choosing the favors in my own life has given me control in my own destiny, no matter what has been put on my plate. And really, we all need a little bitter in our lives to make us appreciate all the glorious sweet!!


on the side: to jules and julie your concern was "delicate". your appreciation of my blog "sweet". your own sites are filled the the robust flavors you obviously share in your own lives. thank you for pushing me back to the table!

Way off to the side....BOB seems to be the flavor of crazy with just a hint of stupid. Bob back away from all sharp objects, you might get hurt.